Wow that was amazing – How can I get into this?!?!? I’ve gotta try it!!
Wow that was amazing – I could never do that!! You are so brave!

In my tenure as a burlesque producer, host, and performer, the number of times that a new audience member approached me post-show to ask how they too can become a part of this performance community, or gain access to their own burlesque experience in some way, is more than I can possibly count.

Me and a stellar group of Siren Burlesque Academy student performers/sizzling soul journeyers, circa 2015.

So much so, that I never really stopped thinking about my best answer to that question. I understand better than most what that feeling, that call to expansion feels like, and so reject the idea of a canned response. Especially when that call has been triggered by burlesque!

In fact, this is probably a large part of why I eventually began teaching and hosting burlesque classes — to provide an accessible response to this question for the members of my community that connected to my work as a portal for their own self-discovery and personal expression.

Dreams = achieved.

The reality is that I’ve been approached by an equal number of audience members over time only to be told that they cannot imagine ever personally achieving the level of energy and expression they just witnessed on that stage (though that is exactly what they are trying to imagine).

These two relatively intense responses to experiencing one’s first burlesque show are actually incredibly commonplace, which, call me curious, has left me continually examining why that might be so.

What about the live experience of this genre sparks the flint of ignition for so many in the evaluation of their path to creative confidence and sexual charisma?

And why are these two particular responses (I want to do that vs I could never do that) so pervasive?

I can’t quantify, but I might be able to qualify why this phenomenon occurs so frequently in people’s response to attending their first burlesque show.

And, how through a little mindfulness work and self-discovery, we can all begin welcoming that sizzling burlesque energy into our lives without necessarily having to shake it all under the sparkly spotlight to do so.

The Sizzling Sirens in a hilariously embodied moment on stage, circa 2019. Melissa Uroff Photography

I call it the Burlesque Ignition Theory:

Tapping into our creative center gains us access to our sexual center, and vice versa. This is part of the reason that burlesque as a form of expression is an alluring gateway to empowered embodiment for so many, as it activates and often amplifies both of those energies in a person.
The things we are most attracted to when witnessing a burlesque performance are aspects of character, charisma, and confidence that already exist within us all (albeit they may need a little coaching out to be unblocked and fully realized).
Through self-discovery guided by the use of tools related to mindset, mind-body connection, creativity, and embodiment, we can all gain access to the magic of burlesque energy in our experience of self, and in our relationships and intimate connections.

Now let’s dig a little deeper, shall we?

It’s about embodiment

Embodiment is, put simply, the representation of something in bodily form.

We can view embodiment as the process of:

Exploring the relationship between our physical being and our energy. It involves the interaction of our body, thoughts, and actions. (Madeson, 2021)

When discussing embodiment in terms of wellness, it is helpful to focus in on the word - body - that lives at its center. Embodiment is the process through which we are able to live fully in our bodies, expressing our truths holistically – from all aspects of our being at once. Embodiment practices help us understand and connect to our experience of self, and promote healing through mindfulness techniques, self-management, and creating balance and acceptance.

In acting when you watch an incredible performance, you may say that the actor embodied their character so fully that you were completely immersed in their expression of that role.

The same goes for personal embodiment.

When we are acting from an embodied space, we are, ‘being fully,’ in present attention with ourselves, and wholehearted expression of that which we are embodying.

Whatever we are standing in the embodiment of will be clearly expressed in our every detail – our energy, breathing, quality of movement, body language, tone/volume/pace of speech, and in the verbal and aesthetic communication we offer through our presence and expressions. It will also be felt deeply by us internally like a warm, radiating essence is alive with and within us in those moments.

Easier Said Than Done

The sad fact is that the patterns within us which run counter to the interest of our embodiment likely started when our socialization began.

You have probably been fed a full buffet of reasons to diminish one part of yourself in order to serve another. I even bet your metaphorical breakfast each day was served with the narrative that this is the expected and socially accepted way to operate in order to receive the regard of a ‘successful’ adult, or to gain your access to the American dream.

We’ve all been stuffed with the rhetoric that we will have greater access to community and belonging when we assimilate to norms, not when we illuminate our oneness. We were taught to prize product over process, burn-out over balance, and capitalism over caring connection.

It’s no wonder this idea of embodiment is a relatively new concept to so many of us.

Dismantling the pillars of negative self-talk, limiting beliefs and expectations, imposter syndrome, comparisonitis, and general self-doubt built into us are essential. Period.

Working through and letting go of these things, and creating functional personal processes to manage them when they do come up (let’s be real, cause we are all human here), is pivotal to unlocking the cornerstones of self-discovery and present-focused attention that the level of embodiment we are discussing here flows freely from.

Within our human culture, the arts have always been a catalyst for this sort of growth and awareness. Performance formats like we see in the contemporary burlesque arena create a bold beacon within a sea of otherwise relatively toxic media to open us to the transformational rewiring that embraces a full spectrum of expression and embodied human experience.

Once those floodgates open for you, my advice is to grab a paddle and prepare for an expansive ride!

The Art of T-eASE

When we watch a burlesque performer in action, what I believe we desire is personal access to the same easy confidence, humor, sexuality, and sensual effect that you are witnessing them embody on stage.

You are connecting to the performer, yes, and perhaps even the content of their act, too. But what moves us at our core is the powerful energy of their embodiment.

In relation to burlesque specifically, it is the flavor of sexually empowered and self-aware confidence that (usually top-notch, but really any) burlesque performers tend to exude when they are in creative flow on stage.

I like to call it T-ease.

When you recognize someone embodying T-ease, you are experiencing their character, confidence, charisma, sensuality, playfulness, humor, groundedness, presence, and ease.

When it comes to the Burlesque Ignition Theory responses of – I want to do that vs. I could never do that (both clearly wanting it, just from opposing mindsets), what’s happening is that when we recognize that embodiment in others, we inherently crave it (or an expanded sense of it) within ourselves. Depending on who we are and where we’re at and what our personal challenges and privileges are, that recognition and desire will express differently.

After your first burlesque experience, focusing on the outcome of becoming a person who gets to express their T-ease creatively on stage or not creates a slew of potentially limiting expectations surrounding that performative public act (trust me).

Pausing to connect to the deeper attraction, and holding a mirror to your own experience of self from that reflection is a far more meaningful place to start.

We can satisfy both responses of the Burlesque Ignition Theory in a healthy and accessible way by prizing and focusing first on the onus of our own expression of T-ease, before even considering its potential for being showcased on the burlesque stage.

In other words, attending a burlesque show and feeling empowered and inspired by what you see does not need to lead to your stage debut for the outcome your spirit is feeling called to explore.

The T-ease is 100% accessible to you with some applied curiosity, acceptance, and exploration, in your life and body as they are right now in this very moment, no stage time necessary.

I am speaking to a collective ‘you’ right now, too – across all gender identities, physical abilities, ages, and cultural heritages, as none of those factors exclude you from your ability to benefit from and explore, access, and integrate T-ease energy into your life and relationship to self, at any stage of life. That is the beauty of this embodiment.

The way it feels right to you is the right way it is right for you.

Building the personal trust to explore, understand and express yourself authentically is the journey and the ultimate reward.

I believe in the power of burlesque as a live entertainment genre to help us kick some of these processes into gear, and connect in community while we are doing it.

So you’ve attended your first burlesque show and you can’t stop thinking about it.

You may choose to frame your thoughts like this:

Your attraction to burlesque means you have the opportunity to examine that energy, and invite it into your life in the ways that you connect to it most (I would call this finding your sizzle).
You are now activated in an opportunity to open your eyes, your heart, and (hopefully also) your groin to the thousand ways you might invite the playfulness and pleasure of the burlesquer persona into your life, and into the embodiment of your most T-ease-y energy and desires.
You aren’t missing anything, and won’t be trying to develop character traits or a new body type out of thin air to get there. Release that pressure right now!

Be inspired, not intimidated.

It all starts with permission. The permission to explore the embodiment of your sensual, confident, and playful self is already in your hands to give.

So give it, and get exploring on a path of self-discovery that will connect you to your emotions, energy, and body in a way that you can willfully express and fully experience. It is possible with some dedication, and with some community.

If this sounds daunting to you now, don’t worry. Patience and kind attention are actually the keys to success in this process. The first step is to find your way to curiosity and excitement for the self-discovery and experiences to come.

Permit yourself not only to go on this journey, but also to feel the emotional security of knowing that you are going to accept and celebrate whatever you find on the path with kind attention. An easy way to approach this is to think of it like treating yourself the way you would treat your very best friend.

Be willing to move beyond your fears, and embrace that the exact results of this journey are and will remain unknown to you until you are there on the other side.

Don’t try to see what you can’t possibly see (ie the exact way this embodiment is going to look and feel and execute for you), as expectations only limit outcomes.

Use this path of self-discovery as a tool to embrace your vulnerability and fear of the unknown and push on through it, which is when and where you will be met with the expansive potential that awaits you.

Feel your feelings, but realize you are not your feelings. Your thoughts dictate those, and you can (over time) learn to control them with more ease. Try redirecting yourself through sensory awareness to reconnect to the present moment, and serve the parts that are trying to rise to the surface with kinder attention (there’s that term again!).

Look within and find ways to reframe and recalibrate your judgment/acceptance of self first, challenging yourself to move through any resistance and see what is there for you waiting in the spotlight of your most embodied expressions of sexuality, humor, confidence, and ease. It is worth the journey. I promise!

Future you will thank you for walking that path, and so will your intimate partners, friends and family.

The key, my friends…and I’ll say it again…is embodiment.

This investment in self is one only you can make, as everyone else needs to make theirs for themselves too. Working with a coach or mentor is a great way to find guidance, support, and illumination on your path. But ultimately, this is your life for the living, and that autonomy can feel both exciting and fulfilling.

The other half of our experience of self in this realm is the experience of ourselves in community, and in connection with other humans. You know, like the ones you might meet at a burlesque show!

Community is Key

Audience engagement at The Siren Show, circa 2015. Melissa Uroff Photography.

You can (and I suggest you do) find some guidance and community on your embodiment path, as these connections not only help you progress and stay accountable, but inevitably enrich and expand your exploration and experience overall.

Seeking support, seeing yourself in the reflection of others you hold in esteem, feeling seen and held and inspired on your journey, all accelerate and deepen anything possible beyond just operating solo.

This guidance and community can be found through the actual people in your life, or with people you interact with in public spaces (like burlesque shows). It could be an embodiment coach (like me), teachers, creative mentors, collaborators, or friends.

It could start where you are right now – online, searching for answers and connections in the digital space, where a wealth of potential guides and communities exist for your evaluation.

I suggest a mix of all of the above, anchored and driven by whatever that deep body wisdom is saying to you as you move through information, energy, and experiences.

Looking Deeper

How did I form the Burlesque Ignition Theory anyway? Check out my burlesque origin story here, where I offer the beginning of my almost 15-year experiential journey into this cultural art form. These experiences, along with my own work in the healing space and personal spiritual growth journey, are what have produced the perspectives I shared with you today.

I have also written about the incredible importance and beauty of being part of an active fandom in community, as well as my personal retrospective on the history of burlesque in America, if you are ready to dive even deeper into the topic of burlesque and its transformative power on individuals and society.

By reading this piece with an open mind and heart, you have taken the first steps on your own T-ease journey. The confidence, charisma, sensuality, playfulness, humor, groundedness, presence, and ease of the T-ease is yours to activate and enjoy (in your own way) today – how you choose to walk (or run) with it from this moment forward is yours to decide.

If you are at the top of your journey and are feeling extra motivated by what you’ve read here, may I suggest checking out my self-guided digital course on the topics of Pleasure + Playfulness. I developed Pleasure + Playfulness to help you realize and embody your authentic, curious, and magnetic personal energy, and use it to get closer to everything in your life (including yourself).

The foundation of T-ease is being fully. Feeling whole in our bodies and present in our experiences is part of what we get from healthy play, which can deliver us more directly to the discovery and embodiment of our own most tantalizing T-ease.